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The Faux Museum News.
October 31, 2012
Tim Tebow Traded
by Tom Faux-Richards
In a surprise move this afternoon New York Jets’ quarterback Tim Tebow was traded. Jets’ General Manager Mike Tannenbaum said today, “It’s a win win for both teams! The Jets’ traded Tebow to theUniversity ofFlorida for 10,000University ofFlorida Tebow jerseys and a tailgate party to be named later.
Tebow was pleased with the move and said, “It is where the Lord has wanted me to be the whole time.” According toFloridacoach Urban Meyer, “We really like what Tim can add to our team. We’ve got a great quarterback in (Jeff) Driscoll and it is comforting to know that if something happens to Jeff we’ve got an able replacement who knows the system and can fill in for a few plays until Jeff is ready to come back in and lead us to another national title. Laura Hoopskills branding and marketing representative for the University of Florida said that while it is a short term fiscal set back for the University of Florida to lose that many Tebow™ Jerseys we still have about 5000 more in reserve which should possibly last us for another few days.
UF Provost Dean Dunn would not rule out tuition increases in the short term to make up for lost revenue if additional jerseys can not be produced fast enough. Dunn added that they are already in contract negotiations with Chinese company Foxconn to produce an additional 25,000,000 jerseys and other paraphernalia. Dunn confirmed that there is another $30,000,000 in cost to the university associated with the trade, “Primarily due to the construction of the additional 175,000 seats in the Timothy Tebow stadium.” (formerly known as Ben Hill Griffin stadium.)
Starting Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez when reached for comment stated that, “Jim was a real nice guy. He never, ever hit on the women I was with, and he always showed up for practice on time with a bunch of clean towels.”
Tebow will begin classes on Wednesday.