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The Faux Museum

The Oldest.

Will You like The Faux Museum

In order to save your time in this ever more busy world The Faux Museum has put together a short guide to who likes and who doesn’t like The Faux Museum. We will begin with a short list of the likers and the haters.

 

Will like The Faux Museum                                        

-         People that work in Museums

-         Artist

-         Heavy people

-         Thin people

-         Asians

-         Africans

-         South Americans

-         Canadians

-         Open minded persons

-         People ready to have fun

-         Kids

-         Old people

-         Almost everybody

 

Will NOT like The Faux Museum

-         Closed minded people

-         Hipsters

-         Teenagers trying to fit in

-         People that want to know how big it is (The Wal-Mart syndrome)

-         Stock Brokers

-         Millennials working in advertising

So by and large almost everybody loves The Faux, but closed minded people do not. So whether you are a republican, democrat or independent makes no difference as long as you are open to new ideas. Libertarians and Objectivists on the other hand have a hard time appreciating art or non-max-capitalism ideas. Which brings us to hipsters; we have had our share of cool cats in The Faux and they have loved it, but a hipster is another category altogether. Hipsters (and yuppies too by-and-large) are closed-minded people masquerading as artist, and open minded individuals; however, they will only “take their talents to” establishments which are already sanctioned by other hipsters or hipster periodicals – which are magazines or periodicals or blogs which feature irony instead of journalism.

In conclusion: if you are a person who enjoys new things, likes to have fun, is a critical thinker, has a good sense of humor and does NOT follow the pack then we think you will enjoy us.

Thank you,

Tom

Curator/Janitor

Early Machine at The Faux Museum!

The FauxMuseum has procured an ancient communication machine for its latest exhibition – Thinking Outside The Chip. This machine although manufactured decades ago is able to transfer what you are thinking directly to an output source and immediately make two actual paper copies of your thoughts.

 

How it works: The machine’s user thinks his or her thoughts and presses areas of the machine representing individual (primarily) sounds. These sound-symbols are then transferred simultaneously to a sheet of paper which is shadowed by a micro thin sheet of carbon which instantaneously transfers an exact duplicate onto another sheet of paper. Representatives from Apple, Microsoft, Google and the US Defense Department have visited The Faux Museum to view this incredible machine.

 

“This is a game changer,” stated a stunned Kevin Rose of Google. “That’s primarily why I have moved to Portland and built our gigantic super ugly and inappropriate compound in Northwest Portland. It is actually a high security research facility to try to study this ‘type-writer’ as Mr. Richards has labeled it. It is truly humbling to be in its presence. We just have to figure out a way to monetize it and exploit third world workers in the process.”

 

Last day of Collections & AnoMalieS is Sunday June 8

Sunday June 8, 2014 is the final day of Collections & AnoMalieS : Public & Private. 

June 5 - Noon to 6pm

June 6 - Noon to 7pm

June 7 - Noon to 7:45 - Reception for collectors from Collections & Anomalies exhibit from 6 to 8.

Sunday June 8, 2014 - Noon to 5pm

- The museum will then be closed for installation until June 14, 2014.

Thee Faux Cakewalk and VD Doughnut Giveaway

DJ Dairy & Bergerette will be your amazing entertainment at this musical chairs cakewalk. Cakes and doughnuts galore! DJ Dairy (AKA Tres from Voodoo Doughnuts) will be spinning the funky tunes, and the beautiful and sexy Bergerette will be singing beautiful French songs (en français). More details to come but really what more info do you need, funky music, sexy women singing in French, cake, party and The Faux Museum!?!

 

Coming Soon a New Exhibition

Collections & AnoMalieS

Public & Private

Beginning March 20, 2014 with a run through May 26, 2014 The Faux Museum brings you: Collections & AnoMalieS: Public & Private. This exhibit will feature odd and interesting collections from museum and private collections around the Portland area as well as around the world including the Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology in Cambridge U.K. Stay tuned here for more information on which individuals and institutions will be taking part.

Collections Include but are not limited to items from...

  • Seattle Art Museum
  • Oregon Nikkei Leggacy Museum
  • Museum of Archaeology and Anthopology in Cambridge, England
  • Tres Shannon
  • I.M.O.L.E. [The International Museum of Littered Ephemera]
  • The Tiny Museum
  • The Bathtub Museum
  • Vintage and antique advertising paper from Matt Wagner
  • The human nail collection
  • A jar of teeth
  • The lint and doodle collection
  • The Jane Shannon collection
  • and much, much more (We could have put in several other muches but we don't want to brag...but)

 

 

Saturday’s film program: Defining the 1970s Through Classic Commercials

quick 

SATURDAY MARCH 9, 2013 -7:30 PM  $8

139 NW 2ND AVE, PORTLAND, OR

From the ridiculous to the sublime.  Thank God you won’t be suckered into buying a lot of these products, since many of them are no longer on the market.  For the others, this is warning to enjoy the ads, but don’t buy the product — especially Rely Tampons which were pulled after killing many women with toxic shock syndrome. See notes at bottom.

Tentative Program List

  • Rely Tampons
  • Opening remarks
  • Credits
  • Intertitle:  You Gotta Have a Gimmick
  • Don’t Squeeze the Charmin’,  Mr. Whipple
  • Wonder Bread,  We’re the fresh guys
  • Doral Cigarettes,  Taste Me Taste Me
  • Borax Soap Dispenser
  • The new two hole spray deodorant
  • Intertitle:  Sex Sells
  • Score For Hair,  Blatant phallic symbols
  • Ponds Cold Cream, Rape fantasy
  • Coppertone,  We Own the Sun
  • MacLeans Toothpaste,  When You’re Ready!
  • Intertitle:  Feminine Allure
  • Carnation Ultra Thin
  • Cutex
  • Maybelline Eye Lashes
  • Cachet Perfume
  • MDS Feminine Deodorant Spray
  • Intertitle:  Moral Crusade
  • United Negro College Fund
  • Tooth Decay, animated w/Tarzan
  • Safe swimming, w/ Roadrunner and Shamu
  • Presidential Physical Fitness
  • Intertitle:  The New Joy of Food:  Out of a Box
  • Rice A Roni
  • Betty Crocker Instant Potatoes
  • Green Giant Peas
  • Better Foods Mayo
  • Swanson TV Dinners
  • Stag Chile in a Can
  • Intertitle:  Nine out of Ten Dentists Agree Sex Sells Toothpaste
  • Ultra Brite, Give Your Mouth SEX APPEAL
  • Gleem II
  • Macleans
  • Pearl Drops
  • Tic Tac Breathmints
  • Intertitle:  Boogie On Down and Grab a Soda
  • Dr. Pepper, I’m a Pepper
  • 7-Up, in a Disco
  • Diet Dr. Pepper, Pin Ball Disco
  • Dad’s Mug Root Beer
  • Coke
  • Intertitle:  Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
  • New Bold,  Insulted housewife
  • Irish Spring
  • Cold Power
  • Fab With Borex, Boys Will Be Boys
  • Intertitle:  Toys R Us
  • Mattel Thundershift
  • Knit Magic
  • Pedal Pretty Curl Doll
  • Kathy Quick  Doll
  • Mouse Trap Game
  • Barbie Doll
  • American Meal
  • Doo Dads
  • Ding Dongs
  • Twinkies, Space Girls
  • Dorados Chips
  • Nestles Chocolate,  Cold Bunny
  • Intertitle:  Celebs Gotta Work Too
  • Universal Studios,  Alfred Hitchcock
  • Crisco, Peter Boyle
  • No Littering,   Pat Deodorant
  • Hour After Hour Deodorant,  Diane Keaton
  • All Detergent,  Lilly Tomlin
  • Carling Beer,  George Burns
  • Intertitle:   Big American Cars Defeated By Imports
  • Lincoln Town Car
  • Ford Escort
  • Jeep Introduces the first SUV
  • Toyota Drag Racer
  • Easy Bake Oven
  • Intertitle:  Junk Food  The All
  • Honda, 30 Second Test Drive
  • Dodge Truck
  • AMC Pacer,  The Sandwich King
  • Intertitle:  Damn the Ozone!  Hair Is Important
  • Blonds American Style
  • VO Five Hair Spray
  • Control For Men’s Hair
  • Vitalis
  • Intertitle:  Who Needs  A Doctor When you’ve Got TV
  • Doan’s Pills, for back ache
  • Anacin
  • Preparation H
  • Wart Remover
  • Alka Seltzer
  • Clearasil
  • Intertitle:  When Fun Was Fun:  Smoking and Drinking
  • Winston  Cigarettes,  It’s Not How Long You Make It
  • Carling Beer, Marching Band
  • Ernest and Julio Gallo Wine
  • Marlboro Cigarettes
  • Schlitz Malt Liquor,  Watch Out For The Bull
  • Ice House Wine Coolers
  • Colt 45
  • Intertitle:  Part of a Balanced Breakfast
  • Wheaties,  When You Know He’s A Man
  • Fruit Loops
  • Alphabits, with The Jackson Five
  • Sugar Frosted Flakes
  • Trix  Silly Rabbit!
  • Coco Pebbles, with Fred and Barney
  • Intertitle:  Riding the Gravy Train all the way to the Bank
  • Purina Horse Food
  • Gaines Burgers
  • Gravy Train
  • Purina Tender Vittles
  • Nine Lives Cat Food
  • Purina Cat Chow Chow Chow
  • Intertitle:  The Fine Art of Exploiting Children
  • Sippity Doo Da
  • Crazy Foam
  • MacDonalds,  Ronald MacDonald
  • Twinkies,  Creepy Clowns
  • Kool Aid  Bowling Alley,  Hey Kool Aid!
  • A Final Word from Rod Serling

Notes: We might change a few commercials here and there but this was the lineup the last time we showed it.

NEW EXHIBIT! The Monument of the 7th Dimension.

Our new exhibit is The Monument of the 7th Dimension. #TMot7D takes you to a place beyond the every day. In fact we our four dimensions past 3D and three dimensions past The 4D of the Matrix, and two dimensions past that great group of the 60s and 70s the Fifth Dimension. [No one cares about the 6th Dimension. BORING.]

After you navigate our labyrinthian portal which we have constructed out of everyday objects such as cardboard, duct tape, duck tape, zip ties, gold ingots, bar-b-que sauce, glue and macaroni (pre-cooked) you enter the golden anteroom and finally The monument of the 7th Dimension with its many stations for guidance into this transformative realm.

Please join us and you will never be the same again.

Your hand/eye coordination will be much improved in the 7th Dimension.

People of the 7th Dimension are happy.

Travel back in time to view our very first museum building and the great woolly ant.

The entire February Faux Reel film schedule.

The Faux Museum Faux Reel MicroCinema  139 NW Second Ave (NW 2nd and Davis)  Films for February every night of the week except Mondays.  Note, Will Vinton and Bob Gardiner in Portland won an Oscar for their cartoon Closed Mondays in 1974.  Being Closed Monday is in honor of them.  All films will be screened in 16mm.  Each program will be preceded by an episode of Perils of Nyoka.

Showtime is 7:30  Every night except closed Mondays

$8.00

Friday -Sunday February 1,2,3  Bad Bugs Bunny  Since creating this program in 1993 it has been screened all around the world and just sold out a weekend at the Trylon Microcinema in Minneapolis.

Tuesday and Wednesday  February 5 and 6  Let’s Go to the Circus!  This will be the world premiere of a new Dennis Nyback creation.  Great short films featuring circuses including Boy of the Circus shot in technicolor in the mid 1950′s and the 1979 film Cotton Candy and Elephant Stuff.  Much more.

Thursday  February 7  Sex Ed Films   Included will be what were called “pink slip” films which were shown to girls only in the sixth grade across the US.  Also from Canada the jaw dropping About Conception and Contraception.  Much more!

Tuesday-Wednesday February 12 and 13  Vaudeville Deluxe  A wonderful look at vaudeville in films from the twenties and thirties.  It will include early sound test films including Gus Visser.  Many other acts that defy belief!  You will be delighted and amazed, and if a vaudevillian yourself, inspired

Friday – Sunday February 15, 16, 17  The Dark Side of Dr. Seuss.  The last time I showed this program in Tuscon five hundred people came to see it.  Here is a review.   Also this youtube.   Don’t miss it!

Tuesday and Wednesday February 19 and 20   I Love a Ukulele!  A wonderful program of vintage short films and cartoons featuring that wonderful portable instrument.  The virtuoso player Roy Smeck will be featured.

Thursday February 21  The Blaxploitation Cartoon Special  Ten banned cartoons showing how African Americans were portrayed in animation from 1916 to 1943.

Friday – Sunday February 22, 23, 24    

Stag Party Special   A delightful evening of vintage smut!  Comprised of hard core Stag Films and Risque Rarities.  Films from 1915 to 1950.   A lot of fun for the curious one.

Here's the  full program list:

(The silent portions of the show will be accompanied by a choice selection of dirty songs recorded from the 1920's into the 1950's.)

How To Undress In Front of Your Husband (c1940)
tease film Starring Mrs. John Barrrymore

A Free Ride (c1916) 
Stag Considered the oldest stag film in existence

Three Party Girls (c1929)
Nudie cutie. Three girls get creative with costuming. 

Bedroom Frolics (c1940) 
Stag This one ends with a truly shocking act

Princess Papouli (c1943)
Naughty Soundie

Hokum The Magician (c1933) 
Stag An elegant stag possibly inspired by Man Ray photography

How To Hold a Husband (c1950)
Tease Film Considered by some to have been made by Ed Wood Jr.

Kiss the Boys Goodbye (c1942)
Naughty Soundie. A patriotic woman goes for a foursome? 

The Black Mass (c1928)
German Stag A Satanic ritual featuring dozens of women and one man

The Martins and The Coys c1943
Naughty Soundie

Fly Man (c1935)
Stag Creative use of slo-mo

Strip Polka (c1943) 
Naughty Soundie

Dixie Evans (1950) 
Strip Tease The best strip number ever filmed

The Further Adventures of Pete The Tramp (c1944)
Stag A very funny film

Call us 206-218-3984.

Tuesday – Wednesday February 26 and 27   Scopitone A Go Go    When I showed this in New York in 1997 MTV put me on the world wide news.  A wonderful program of music shorts from the early 1960′s in garish color and magnetic sound.  If you have never seen a Scopitone on the big screen you have not lived.

Thursday February 28  The Birth of Betty Boop (Or, My Life as a Dog)   Yes, Betty Boop began her animated career in 1930 as a dog.  And not just any dog, but the carnal love interest of Bimbo the dog.  See how she morphed into the Betty we all know and love in ten cartoons from 1930 and 1931.

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